Full disclosure, I’ve cried more in the last year than I ever have before. I finished my last semester of my undergrad (goodbye finals), I graduated from college (hello student loans), moved across the country (y’all Seattle does not have tacos lemme just tell ya), started a big girl job (lol I sit at a desk from 9-5 what the heck it’s fine), and said goodbye to every part of myself that I’ve identified with for the last few years. Some days I look in the mirror and don’t recognize a thing about me. I stopped waxing my eyebrows for 8 months out of sheer laziness and lack of desire to look presentable (I know those of you that know me are gasping at the idea of me going longer than 6 weeks without getting them done). I started eating food that makes my body feel sick and sad. I’ve resisted new friendships and pushed a lot of people out. I miss those parts of me that aren’t me anymore. I miss school (what?), I miss Texas (duh), I miss my ministry and I miss my friends. I also miss the parts of me that are still in there but I’ve pushed aside: my passion, my creativity, my pursuit of excellence, my love for a good manicure and worshiping God in song. For months I’ve put on a face and waited, promising myself that tomorrow I would get back to my old self– that it would get better, easier.
Guys, I’ve been waiting a long time. And after all that waiting, here’s what God has taught me. I’m never going to be who I was (shocker). My God says that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.*” not that I WAS but I AM wonderfully made…right now. I’m not meant to be who I was a year ago, who I was even six months ago. I’m transitioning and changing and growing into a lovelier version of myself—from the inside out.
So, this blog is my New Year’s Resolution. I can’t even begin to tell you how long I’ve wanted to have my own little corner of the internet to share stories and inspiration; but, over the last two years I have had way to many excuses as to why I shouldn’t. I don’t have an inspirational life, I don’t have consistent fashion sense, I don’t have a professional camera, I don’t have time, I don’t have energy, I have nothing to say. If you’re anything like me then you’ve probably told yourself the same lies and come up with similar excuses as to why you shouldn’t go after something. No more! 2017 smacked me on the face and forced me to sit down and make it happen—I encourage you to do the same! I have spent every day hoping and praying that God would give me new sense of spirit, creativity, and zeal. And He has. This is it, folks.